We often forget how perceptive our children are. I am reminded of this regularly when my kids, 2.5 & 1.5 years old, say something like, “Look dad, coffee” when we pass Starbucks on the road or “Ooh, daddy needs that guitar for church” when we’re browsing through a music catalogue. The reality is that although kids are loud, difficult to understand, and incapable of sitting still, they pick up on many of the things you do, say, or feel.
While we had a spell of nice sunny days last week I dug through my closet and blew the dust off of my shorts so my pasty white legs could be on display. I came out of our bedroom dressed for summer and my wife said, “You look really good honey.” My son, who was eating breakfast at the table started laughing and said, “Yeah, daddy’s cute!” We both began to laugh at my son’s proclamation but something really stood out to me at that moment: children perceive their parents in the manner they are portrayed to them.
As parents we need to be careful how we communicate to and about our spouses, especially around our children. Failure to do so can result in a loss of respect and a minimizing of their parental authority. I saw this a lot when I was a youth pastor. A parent would constantly belittle and vent about their spouse or ex-spouse either to their child or in front of them and sure enough that child would have absolutely no respect for the other parent. As a result the belittled parent would often disengage from even trying to be an influence which would just further frustrate the relationship with their spouse. I’ve even seen parents get on Facebook and publicly berate their spouse to everyone on the Internet—it’s pathetic and immature and there is no excuse for it.
I want my children to respect my wife. A lot of that respect will be earned by my wife’s relationship with them; however, some of that respect will be learned by what I demonstrate to them about her. Sure we all get frustrated and say things we don’t mean at times. But we need to be careful to guard our emotional explosions from our children who may not be around to hear us apologize for the things we said but didn’t mean. My kids have challenged me to make sure I honor my wife in front of them. What about you? What message are you sending about your spouse? Even if you’re not married to your child’s other parent, are you speaking things about them that will help them have a place to contribute and have positive influence? It may take some work to get a healthy habit established, but it will be worth it in the long run!
