There’s something that has begun to drive me absolutely crazy as I’ve come into parenthood. Something so annoying and inconvenient that it makes this “Bruce Banner” want to morph into his counterpart: when people park over their line in a parking lot. It may not seem like a big deal to them or many other people. However, as a parent with two children in car seats it is such an annoyance that I begin fuming at the sight of it.If it weren’t for my wife and kids being present I would wait for the moron to come to their vehicle and condescendingly explain to them that this isn’t Wimbledon and “Tennis Rules” are not in affect. Touching the line doesn’t count as “in” and that instead, “Bowling Rules” are in affect, and if they cross the line it is a foul and I will throw bowling pins at their head!
In my younger years I would probably have stuck around for such a conflict. Now that I am a domesticated husband/father I am much more civilized about it. Instead I start by opening my door all the way so I can get the car seat in or out. If it happens to ding their paint, it’s not my fault, I was just utilizing the amount of space allotted to me by the civil engineers who determine the code for commercial parking.
Then, I get out a dirty diaper that I keep in the trunk for these kind of occasions–I’m not talking just an ordinary dirty diaper, but one of those diapers that contains nuclear waste. You know what I am talking about. One so potent and disgusting that it literally makes the Diaper Genie glow in the dark. I always keep one of those in the trunk. It makes all of our groceries taste funny, but it sure comes in handy in these situations–I smear it all over their car and leave them a little message saying, “Next time there will be CORN!!”
The moral of this story is simple: Park within the parking lines because, although, I may not actually do any of the stuff contained in the above rant, there are some parents of children with colic at the end of their wits who just might!
