Here’s the rest of the 10 Commandments of Dad from Best Life Magazine.
By: Hugh O’Neill, Illustrations by: Alex Nabaum
VI. Thou Shalt Not Dance in Front of Your Kids’ Friends 
My own father once picked us up at a junior high school dance. As usual, he was wearing his wingtip shoes and that hat he got through the mail from Ireland. As we were walking out of the gym, he actually did a few seconds of the hully-gully with a horrified Margie Costanzo. My sister Kathy still has nightmares about it. If you’ve got to dance, dance with Mom in private. Don’t embarrass everybody with your version of the Hustle.
VII. Save Your Money, Big Man
You know all those corny proverbs about pennies saved? If you’re not careful, the kids will send you to the poorhouse three dollars and twenty-nine cents at a time. Think college tuition. Think down-payment on their starter homes. Though it’s true that money can’t buy happiness, it can buy lots of other stuff. Believe in compound interest, tax-free growth. For God’s sake, champ, be ready for emergencies.
VIII. Spend Your Money, Tightwad
You see what I’m after here, don’t you? F. Scott Fitzgerald said the sign of a first-rate mind was the ability to have two opposite opinions at the same time. Never mind that he fell victim to drink. You’re a first-rate mind, Dad. Spring for the glowing monster trading cards. If you’ve got the money, pop for the musical princess crown. What are you saving your money for, pal? College? Hah! You can’t possibly save enough. There is the future, and then there is now. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is it.
IX. Never Go on an Amusement Park Ride with the Word `Whirl’ in its Name, Especially the Space Shuttle Whirl at Great Escape Near Lake George, New York
Even though you want to participate with the kids, to feel their gravity-defying thrill/terror/glee, you mustn’t get on that ride with them. I did in the summer of 1995, and I’ve been a little queasy ever since. It’s tough to be a good father when you’re nervous system is on the fritz. Stay on the ground and wave.
X. This is Their Life, Not a Second Chance at Yours
I can’t say it any better than one of the most eminent psychiatrists of our time, Bruno Bettelheim: “We become upset when we believe we see in a child aspects of our own personalities of which we disapprove.” Bang! On the money! It’s tempting to make good on your own shortcomings through your children. Just because you didn’t make the varsity at North Salem High that doesn’t mean Stan Jr. has to. Help them follow their own path, not your road-not-taken.
XI. Love Their Mother
One extra commandment. Hug Mom. Often. In front of the kids. Sure, sometimes marriages end, but the obligation to a woman doesn’t. Be grateful to her. Speak to her with respect. Try to make her laugh. Listen. You can figure out how to love her.
When all is said and done, fatherhood comes down to this. Be big. Be small. Be quiet, make noise. Don’t dance in front of your kids’ friends. Save. Spend. Stay off the whirling ride of death. And love their mother. And maybe one other thought, courtesy of Thoreau, about our guy tendency to value the wrong tools. “The weapons with which we have gained our most important victories, which should be handed down from father to son, are not the sword and the lance, but the bushwhack, the turf-cutter, the spade and the bog-hoe.” The triumphs of Dad are about tenacity, keeping on. So do whatever it takes. Stay loose. Use all the clubs in the bag. Hit the ball to all fields. Use whatever sports metaphor works for you. Just be sure to use your whole body, your voice, your memory, everything you’ve got. Whisper. Shout. Encourage. Goad. Cultivate the garden. Forgive. Be patient. Watch closely. Enjoy.
Excerpt from A Man Called Daddy, published by Rutledge Hill Press
It’s funny what the author says about not going on the rides at the amusement park. My wife and I road a couple of rides too close together a few years back and I could barely drive home. I had my head on the steering wheel and ate plain toast as soon as we got home. That’s when we realized that we were appraoching the twilight of our youth.
I couldn’t agree more with number 11! I want my son to learn how to treat his wife by watching me treat his mom with the love and respect that she deserves. If that means grossing them out by giving her a kiss in front of them then that’s an “Awe, gross dad!” that I’m willing to endure.
