Here’s a great article from Best Life Magazine with some practical tips on fatherhood. It’s kind of long, so I’ll break it up into two parts. Enjoy!
By: Hugh O’Neill, Illustrations by: Alex Nabaum
I have found the fundamental laws of fatherhood. Skeptics said it couldn’t be done. Fatherhood is too complicated, they cried, to be reduced to capsule form. But the complexity only added intrigue to my search for guiding principles. After all the emotion, all the yelling, all the laughter, I have distilled the duties and demands down to a decade of Daddy dicta. Herewith, on behalf of all God’s children and the men who love them, the Ten Commandments of Dad.
I. Hey, Dad, Be Big
In spirit, that is. Despite some easing of parent gender-roles, fatherhood is still a star turn. Granted, some of that patriarchal stuff is withering, but you’re still the strongest guy in that house. That counts. Consider some of the guys who have gone before you: Father Times, The Founding Fathers, God the Father. It’s a powerful tradition. The kids expect some stature from you. You can’t give this role a walk-through. You’ve got to play it. Now, this doesn’t mean that you can choose any old vivid persona. After all, Genghis Khan was plenty vivid, and his kids didn’t have an easy time. But you can’t be a blank slate. The kids ought to know what the old man would think about this or that. You are the anvil on which they hammer out their deal with the world. Be a presence in their lives — and their minds.
II. Hey, Dad, Be Small
Yes, this directly contradicts the first commandment. I told you, fatherhood is complicated. Don’t be so big that you suck all the air out of the room. Give your kids a little space to move around in, to test their thoughts and strengths. Take a back seat, figuratively speaking, three or four times a week. Say, “Maybe.’ Say, “I don’t know.” Now and then, tell the kids you’re sorry. There are plenty of things to apologize for: anger, inattention, bad career planning, lack of whatever. Mean it. Be sorry. You’ll feel brand new.
III. Hey, Dad, Come Home
To be sure, the obligations of making a living can keep you out of the house. Lots of fathers have a day job and a night job. If that’s your situation, God bless you, pal. You’ll get no heat from me. But if you can pay the bills without working double-shift, you’ve got to be home when you can. You don’t have to be playing catch all the time or even talking to the kids. But at least, be present. Get off the golf course. Head home. Nothing good can happen until you do.
IV. Honor Thy Father and Mother
This is actually the biblical fifth commandment. It’s included here only because now that I’m one of the people getting the honoring, I like the sound of it much better than I did when I was a boy.
V. Bob and Weave, Dad, Bob and Weave
Stay light on your feet, Dad. Don’t make too many hard and fast rules. Don’t draw too many lines in the sand. This doesn’t mean anything goes; there are rules. It just means that fatherhood is an improvisation and that human hearts — both yours and the children’s have a way with compromise. Don’t insist on having your way with the kids just because the rest of the world isn’t always overly interested in the sound of your voice. There is a difference between authority and power. Have the first; don’t abuse the second.
